Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize