It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
