did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
