Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
