i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
organizing the empties. That sober.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
