i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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