he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
