Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
