They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize