i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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