I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Are my feet made of real feet?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
