he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
