You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
