I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
