I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize