R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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