I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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