I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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