Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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