Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My vagina is officially offended.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
