are you still at the devil's house?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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