Christians are straight up FREAKS
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
