Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
