we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
