ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize