my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
