My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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