Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
