i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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