3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
