You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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