He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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