Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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