hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
