Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
