I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
