If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
