I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
