so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
