There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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