Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You took a bar mat shot.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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