Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize