I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
