I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
