I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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