her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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