What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
