Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize