Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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