C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just threw up on my dentist
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
