I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
