Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize