Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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