peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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