I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
