my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
