Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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