I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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