Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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