Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
