Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
