I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
