i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
