i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
