Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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