Buhtt sex?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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