woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
