I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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