So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
