a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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