I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
