is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
