all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
