A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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