i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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