No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
