Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
