ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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