you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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