i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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