Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
