he thought i was a dude.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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