do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My feet surprised me
Randomize