glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
