my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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