No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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