First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
