After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
