She said her name was "party"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
