if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
