He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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