Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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