Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
