When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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