I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize