I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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