know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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