I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
