I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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