ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
