Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it was like eating out sand paper
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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