There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
