When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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