weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I could make wine with my vomit
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize