i think my mom watched the whole time
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
