So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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